Hotel Teddi

As I currently have a house guest and have had many in the past, I thought I would pen a list of dos, don'ts, and etiquette rules for staying with someone. I've been lucky to have mostly great guests. Lots of us are young and either don't have the money to stay at a hotel or don't want to spend it, so be sure to consult this post before sleeping in someones guest room (or in my case, on an air mattress on my floor). Remember, YOU want a happy host.

Give as much advance notice as you can when requesting accommodations. This goes without saying.

Be aware of the fact that I live in a 450 square foot studio and I am used to having my own space. I get cranky. Last night I came home, greeted my guest, and didn't speak for about 20 minutes. I changed and went to the gym to work out my frustrations. Upon arriving home she said, "I'm glad you went to the gym. It seemed like you needed it." She was right, and I appreciate the understanding and honesty.

If you're staying with me, you must understand that I am crazy. I am prone to panic attacks and dizzy spells. These don't happen often, but sometimes I'm under a lot of stress. (Once I had two girlfriends staying with me and I freaked out at 2 in the morning. I went to the corner and chain smoked for 20 minutes, and I'm not even a smoker. I just have a flair for drama. The girls were very understanding.)

Also know that I'm very generous. If I let you stay with me, it's likely that I'm more than happy to lend you my Prada bag for the evening (or almost anything else in my closet!)

On the same token, you need to know that I have a lot of crap. Most of this crap is clothing, and it does not all fit in the closet or dressers. It is not unlikely for me to have around 30 pieces to dry clean at once, and it is not unlikely that they will be scattered around my apartment. I only make it to the dry cleaner several times a year. (I use Dryel for the majority of my clothing, but I also run out of this often and don't always feel like walking the 5 blocks to Walgreens to buy it.) Smile and roll with it.

Ask before using. I'm (probably) glad to have you, but there are still things I am particular about. My vanity table is probably the one thing in my apartment I ask that you don't utilize. It's messy but it's mine, and I'd rather not share.

If you go on my computer (which is probably fine, though it's always nice to be asked) PLEASE log out of your Gmail/Facebook/etc. accounts before departing. This is not that big of a deal, just a bit annoying. This is more for me than it is for you. I am oblivious and it will take me several minutes to notice that I'm on your Facebook account and not on mine, and then I feel guilty and as though I've snooped. This ALWAYS happens when my sister comes to stay with me since we have many of the same friends.

This one is important. IF YOU KNOW YOU SNORE, BRING SOME DAMN BREATHE RIGHT STRIPS. We are sharing a very small space, and I don't have a door in between the two of us to drown out the freight train sound that is coming out of your face. Be considerate. (This happened to my best friend once in a hotel room, and she had to sleep in the bathtub to get away from the sound. When it happened to me, I punched my houseguest hard in their sleep until they stopped.)

If your host or hostess becomes ill, do your best to either find another place to stay or stay completely out of their way. Yes this has happened to me and NO I don't want to talk about it.

Last but most certainly NOT least, give a nice hostess gift. A good friend of mine just hosted a friend for almost a week (which is practically twice as long in this big city with small apartments) and was gifted $50 to Starbucks. Lovely! And much cheaper than a hotel. Your host will be thankful and will certainly have you again.