I was talking with an old friend the other day about changes, about how much we've all changed in the past few years. This really got me thinking. I have changed so much since I graduated almost three years ago. (And in my opinion, only for the better.)
I was very different in college. I was practically married. I was in a relationship that I believed with all my heart would last forever. I expected to be married at 23, just as my mother was. I had a small semblance of a social life. I was very involved in my sorority and loved my girlfriends, but didn't get to spend enough time with them and wasn't always there for them when I should have been. I was selfish. I was aloof. And I hate that so many people must remember me that way. But it's only fair, because I remember so many people as they were, not as they could be.
I make a conscious effort each and every single day to be as nice and as open-minded as I can possibly be. I haven't always. I'm more thoughtful. I ask myself how I can make someone else's day. I know I said last week that I hold grudges, but never before have I made the valiant attempt to let go, to forgive and forget, and to move on that I do now. I know that I can't alter the past, but I can make the best of the present.
I'm more aggressive than I've ever been. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I tell people how I feel. I've learned that life is too short not to.
My desire to be a published author remains alive and true. I think back to my childhood days in Coral Gables, waking up and writing short stories under the sheets. I remind myself not to scowl when people say, "Don't feel badly. Not everyone knows what they want to do" because I haven't had my big break yet. But I DO know, I think. I've always known.
I wonder every day. When I'll get married. If I'll get married. If I've met him yet, or if he's somewhere out there, just as confused and hopeful as I am, wondering where his dream girl is.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Always have, always will. Some things never change.