I was talking with an old friend the other day about changes, about how much we've all changed in the past few years. This really got me thinking. I have changed so much since I graduated almost three years ago. (And in my opinion, only for the better.)
I was very different in college. I was practically married. I was in a relationship that I believed with all my heart would last forever. I expected to be married at 23, just as my mother was. I had a small semblance of a social life. I was very involved in my sorority and loved my girlfriends, but didn't get to spend enough time with them and wasn't always there for them when I should have been. I was selfish. I was aloof. And I hate that so many people must remember me that way. But it's only fair, because I remember so many people as they were, not as they could be.
I make a conscious effort each and every single day to be as nice and as open-minded as I can possibly be. I haven't always. I'm more thoughtful. I ask myself how I can make someone else's day. I know I said last week that I hold grudges, but never before have I made the valiant attempt to let go, to forgive and forget, and to move on that I do now. I know that I can't alter the past, but I can make the best of the present.
I'm more aggressive than I've ever been. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I tell people how I feel. I've learned that life is too short not to.
My desire to be a published author remains alive and true. I think back to my childhood days in Coral Gables, waking up and writing short stories under the sheets. I remind myself not to scowl when people say, "Don't feel badly. Not everyone knows what they want to do" because I haven't had my big break yet. But I DO know, I think. I've always known.
I wonder every day. When I'll get married. If I'll get married. If I've met him yet, or if he's somewhere out there, just as confused and hopeful as I am, wondering where his dream girl is.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. Always have, always will. Some things never change.
If you're changing for the better, that's all that matters!! And it looks like to me that you are. I would say that you are too hard on yourself though. I think college kids overall are selfish. That and the teenage years are the times that it is a forgivable flaw!! Forget what has already passed. Look at you from Today on!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI changed the most during my twenties. I think it's a time of having fun, trying out new things and you learn as you get older. Just keep that desire to be an author, and don't give up on it! When you least expect it you will meet Mr. Right- such a cliche' but it's true. I have to remind myself of that one!;)
ReplyDeletetwitter wouldnt let me DM you... yes, i know michelle weinberg! we were very good friends in college, lived next door to each other in the house, she was president when i was vp new member education... and i actually just visited her when i was in israel on birthright!
ReplyDeleteif you have any questions i would seriously love to help you out. jordanmarisasilverman@gmail.com is the best way to reach me!
Change is good :) I have those moments too (we all do) where we take a second a reevaluate our life and where we've been...it can be really awakening. I also love your Valentine's Day resolution :)
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