I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate dating but I love being in love.
I'm not good at doing the single thing, but I excel at being a girlfriend. I love being able to spoil my significant other emotionally, physically, and materialisticly. When I'm in a relationship, I only want to make the other person happy. I drink in the every which moment when I'm with someone... The falling asleep and the waking up. The nicknames. hand holding. Having my hair played with. My heart quietly leaping at the sight of his name on my caller ID.
Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie says that she wants to feel the weight of the man? I want a guy who can pick me up and feel my weight. I want to be with someone who will hold me and lift me in the air. Someone who will walk into a crowded restaurant and smile when he spots me among the crowd. Someone who actually wants to take photos with me, sans eye rolling. And so far, I just haven't had that. Any of that.
And then I think of having to start from scratch. Lots of firsts. Because whoever he is - I sure as hell haven't met him yet. I know that much.
I'm just not quite there. My heart still has a band aid on it. I like to believe that one day soon, I'll wake up, look in the mirror, and feel beautiful and confident and ready. But for now, I'll tuck my lingerie into my bottom drawer and my heart inside of my sleeve.