I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate dating but I love being in love.
I'm not good at doing the single thing, but I excel at being a girlfriend. I love being able to spoil my significant other emotionally, physically, and materialisticly. When I'm in a relationship, I only want to make the other person happy. I drink in the every which moment when I'm with someone... The falling asleep and the waking up. The nicknames. hand holding. Having my hair played with. My heart quietly leaping at the sight of his name on my caller ID.
Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie says that she wants to feel the weight of the man? I want a guy who can pick me up and feel my weight. I want to be with someone who will hold me and lift me in the air. Someone who will walk into a crowded restaurant and smile when he spots me among the crowd. Someone who actually wants to take photos with me, sans eye rolling. And so far, I just haven't had that. Any of that.
And then I think of having to start from scratch. Lots of firsts. Because whoever he is - I sure as hell haven't met him yet. I know that much.
I'm just not quite there. My heart still has a band aid on it. I like to believe that one day soon, I'll wake up, look in the mirror, and feel beautiful and confident and ready. But for now, I'll tuck my lingerie into my bottom drawer and my heart inside of my sleeve.
this sounds sad.... ok, so you are coming out with me and we are getting you that someone.. and p.s. great Carrie quote.... :) xxoo
ReplyDeleteThis made me both happy and sad.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you DEFINETLY know what you want and are in the right mind set to start a relationship but, it just has happend for you yet.
Not that I'm some love yogi, but I've been in a good and happy relationship for two years (after years of TERRIBLE, awful, hutful men and bad relationships) and all I can say is focus on forming a friendship with the guy first.
MY BF and I had a really nice, fun but weighty email correspondence/phone call/texting relationship before we ever even met for a drink!
I hope you find him xo
You'll fall in love when you least expect it! :)
ReplyDeleteyou will find your mr. big :) love you xoxo
ReplyDeleteyou are doing such an amazing job with your writing right now. i love it!
ReplyDeletethis is such an honest post, I love it. I have felt the same way, even while in a relationship. The awful MN phase. I wouldn't dream of giving anyone advice on this subject I think it's such an individual experience. BUT, I do know you will find someone who is just right for you, and sometimes I really miss having the whole bed to myself.
ReplyDeleteThe guy you end up with may not be the person you describe. Keep an open mind.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Arrows and Angels. It will happen when you least expect it, and you will be ready. Don't worry! I've had the *same* exact thoughts..."I can't imagine doing all these 'firsts' all over again." But you will, and you might even find yourself forgetting about all those other firsts you had. Trust me on this one ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou're such a great writer, especially when you pour yourself out (which is most of the time). Your writing appeals to anyone waiting for unconditional, true love.
ReplyDeleteYou're the best.
-Fred.
I also hate dating but love being in love... I just want to skip over the first bit and get to the comfortable part.
ReplyDelete