I had dinner with one of my dearest girlfriends tonight. After I told her all about my weekend in North Carolina, I asked her what was new. When she told me that she and her new man are now 'official', I asked her how that came about.
"We had the 'DTR' conversation," she replied.
I have always prided myself on being quick as a cat with any and all acronyms, but this one left me stumped.
"Define The Relationship," she explained. He told her he wanted to DTR, asked her to be his girlfriend, and she said yes.
God, what a brilliant breakthrough. I don't know about you, but relationships past teenaged years are all kinds of ambiguous to me. In high school (at least at my high school), if a boy asked you out, you were together. Easy as that. Those six simple words - "Will you go out with me?" - said so little and yet so much.
I feel like in the relationships I've been in since then, the DTR has either been awkward or nonexistent. In most cases I've said something along the lines of, "So, what are we doing here?" because I was craving clarity. Which leads us to today and why I am single. I loathe anything forced and unnatural.
It is refreshing for me to hear that there are still old-fashioned gentlemen out there who actually want to DTR. I think it may be my new favorite abbreve.
How did you DTR?
I have DTRs with other guys. Its sometimes very refreshing to just put yourself and your peace of mind first and ask for what you want or need.
ReplyDeleteWith JM, we said "I love you", we said "is this it?", and we both said yes. *cheeseball alert
*I have had
ReplyDeleteWe didn't have a DTR (though I have used that phrase for the past 10 years of my life). Matthew and I were out eating with friends and their parents. The father asked us when we started dating. I looked at Matthew, and he just pulled a day from the previous week out of the air. So there you go. The first time I told him that I loved him, he asked if it was okay if he didn't say it yet. I said that was fine. A few minutes later, he left the room and came back. He gave me a claddagh ring and said I love you.
ReplyDeleteYeah, super cheesy.
lol i agree. DTR is always awk.
ReplyDeletethe guy i had been seeing {now the beau} asked me to spend memorial day weekend with his family in his hometown. he told me that he loved me after a party at his parents' house and then we went out to bars downtown and as we were waiting on a few of his friends to show up, he said "um so i've been telling everyone you're my girlfriend. is that ok?" it's been official ever since.
ReplyDeletehaha.. it's so funny you wrote about this. I've been having this convo with several girlfriends lately. It really is the worst convo to have.
ReplyDeleteHubby & I had been "dating" for months..
It was 7 AM. We were sleeping in his fraternity bed. He sat up and said..
"I see this going 3 ways. We either keep going the way we are, break up, or make it official. I don't see any other way other then making it official, do you?" I just smiled, kissed him, and said.. "agreed". Almost 8 years later, here we are :)
It seems like facebook has sped up the DTR process--you have a public forum in which to define your relationship, so you've got that social pressure to call it something, even if that something is "complicated."
ReplyDeleteAnthony and I had the DTR. He brought it up, we were dating long distance at the time and he wanted to make sure I knew he was "in" and wanted to know that I felt the same way. I think its best to let guys bring this subject up, but if you've been dating someone a while and spend a lot of time together and he hasn't brought up the subject then I think its ok for the girl to bring it up. Afterall, when there are feelings involved (or lack thereof) I think its best to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Rules Girl, so I would never bring up the DTR convo. Rather, I wait for him to bring it up. I also never say "I love you" first, either. I think all of this has saved me a lot of hurt feelings in the long run. Granted, "seize the day"-type girls wouldn't agree with my method, but of course, YMMV. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever had a DTR. Stephen and I certainly didn't. We were spending so much time together, one of us said to the other "we might as well be together." We don't really have an anniversary date, either. We decided to just make it the day we moved in together. LOL
ReplyDeleteHe told me he wasn't going to see other people but that he understood if I still wanted to. I told him I loved him. The end.
ReplyDeleteWhen W. told me that he was ready for a relationship, that was pretty much our DTR. I verified it a month later (around New Year's Eve) when I asked if I should consider him my boyfriend. Of course, having hooked up/"dated" off and on for five years wasn't normal ;)
ReplyDeleteDTRs can be scary for lots of guys. If they are, move along...he isn't worth your time!
XOXO, my TAG!
we were sitting at a stoplight...
ReplyDeleteME: you know you're my boyfriend right?
HIM: I figured as much.
And we have been together for 20 years :o)
you know, i dont really remember. i'm pretty sure it was slightly awkard as expected. :)
ReplyDeleteI had several DTRs with my now BF... at first I didn't want to be serious w/him b/c he has a kid and I told him that but we continued dating casually...
ReplyDeleteThe last DTR we had(about 5 months after we started going out) he convinced me to give it a try so I did... and here we are 3 years later.
Its important to know where each person stands, even if it is not what the other person wants to hear.