I recently sat down to break bread with a dear friend who is happy in love. We chatted about her plans to move in with her boyfriend and she asked me nonchalantly if I had any advice.
Many of you know this and many of you don't. I've lived with a boyfriend before. (And I live alone now, so... you do the math.)
I told her that my biggest piece of advice was to take time for herself. I never did this. I was with a man who didn't believe in girls (or boys, for that that matter) nights out. I didn't have much of a social life outside of my relationship, my sorority, and my few closest girlfriends. When I went out to dinner with my best friend, he came along. When I had the girls over to watch America's Next Top Model, he was nearby. I didn't quite realize it at the time, but I never really got the me time I so craved, which was ultimately one of the factors that led to our demise.
As Carrie Bradshaw once said, the universe may not play fair but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor. I've got a whole lotta me time now.
I used to think that because I lived with someone and it didn't end the way I thought it would (engagement/marriage) that I screwed up. That I regressed by doing the domestic thing in the South first, and single gal in the city second. But I look back at who I was then, I try to crawl inside of that space in my mind, and I realize it's gone. I can no longer reconcile with the girl I once was. The experience nearly killed me at times, but overall it made me so much stronger. There is no doubt about it - I have progressed.
I've never liked doing things in order anyway.
Love how honest you are :)
ReplyDeletePlease stop by our newly redesigned blog..we're hosting a giveaway :)
xo,
E
I have a friend whose husband is ALWAYS around and it is soooooooooo annoying. I like him. He's great, but...sometimes girls just need to hang and chat in an all-girl environment.
ReplyDeleteDoing things in order is so boring anyway. The life story is much more fabulous with surprises! And you know so much more about yourself now. I think alone/friend time is critical in all types of relationships. My general rule is that when your life starts to resemble a Lifetime TV movie, it's time to change your life. But a good second rule is that you never want to resemble Simon and/or Alex from RHNY Season 1. All static cling icky.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite things about my fiance is that he understands the need for girl time.
ReplyDeleteWe are more alike then you think! I did the live in bf thing, then the single in the city thing, and now I am doing the married thing... so there is hope :) xxxooo
ReplyDeleteKeeping your individual identity while being one half of a team is really hard but integral part of a relationship, especially when you are living together. It is better that you learned that tough lesson than lose yourself completely. You are a great friend to share the wisdom you have gained even if at times it is difficult to do so.
ReplyDeleteAnd like you said, doing things "in order" is boring - one of my FAV quotes; "Life is uncertain, order dessert first!"
I would definitely see it as a progression, because I always found living alone a lot harder than living with a boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteWell said! Love this post. Thank you for sharing. I think these are very good points.
ReplyDeleteI'm probably the only guy that you'll get reading your blog. Anyway, that was well said and totally agree. My wife IS your ex but I still love her dearly. By the way, I stumbled onto your blog somehow and I'm glad I did. It's sooo refreshing to read a blog by someone who actually has something to say besides 'Fashions'. Keep it up! If you get a chance stop by my blog thepreppytimes.blogspot.com and drop a comment or two.
ReplyDeleteLuv what you're doing
This is such a great topic Miss JGIWC, you make the point very well. And it's on my top 3 list of things women should do before marrying.
ReplyDeleteSending you a smile,
tp
I just found your blog and I love it. I, too, am a Jewish Junior Leagueer...I thought I was the only one!
ReplyDeleteYou totally don't have to get things in the "right" order to have a fantastic life! I am so thankful that I lived with a different guy before I met my husband (even though, obviously, that means it didn't last) because had we not lived together and driven each other crazy we would have stayed together for god-knows-how-long. Also, my eyes were much more open in terms of what to expect when I moved in with my husband.