The only living girl in New York

This weekend, one of my dearest friends moved to Chicago. As we were getting ready to leave her goodbye brunch, I began to cry. My best friend looked at me and said, "You're the only living girl in New York".

It was perfect - not only because it was beautifully and devastatingly poignant (as Simon & Garfunkel's "The Only Living Boy in New York" is one of my favorite songs of all time) - but because she said it better than I was able to say it myself.

MMM and I our first year in NYC

It truly is the end of an era. MMM was the first friend I made in New York. We met at a brunch hosted by our sorority's alumnae association to welcome all of the recent college grads to the Big Apple. It was the beginning of the summer. We were fresh out of school. We didn't even have jobs yet. We've seen each other through bad days and bad breakups. We've had our asses kicked by this city. And now she's gone and I'm so very sad.

And sometimes I do feel like the only living girl in New York. Like I'm losing all my friends to other cities and marriage and engagement and pre-engagement. Like everyone else is growing up and moving on.

Most mornings, I wake up with a smile on my face, ready to take on the world. But I'd be a fraud if I didn't tell you that there are still low points and dark days, and that sometimes I can't quite comprehend how it's all going to come together for me, how sometimes this whole grow-up-get-married-have-kids thing doesn't really seem possible, but more like a foreign concept that may not ever apply.

Another one of my friends has left New York City and it has me thinking once again about my own escape. What will be the catalyst? Will something happen; will there be an event, a circumstance that allows me to leave? Because maybe some people can vacate this city without a good reason, but I can't. My parents now live 19 blocks from me, but I'm not sure how much longer I can stay. Sometimes even the thought of being here five more years makes my skin crawl.

And of course I know I'm not actually losing my friends. And I'm thrilled for all of the aforementioned who have these huge and wonderful changes upon them. But I'm a little kid at heart, I'm Peter Pan, and I need to accept that it can't be like this forever. Life may not wait until I'm ready to grow up.

MMM and I at #teddiseven

Then again, I look at these two photos and it's so glaringly obvious which one I look happier in. Life is pretty damn good; I would never say differently. Yes, this city has kicked me down and knocked me out, but I wouldn't be who I am today without it. No question.

I think that all I can do is have a good cry, wipe my eyes, and go about living my life. God has something in store for me. I may not know what, but of this I am sure.

MMM, this place won't be the same without you. Thank you for being my first friend here and thank you for being YOU. I love you and miss you already.